Loving the hot tub tonight!




One door away from Heaven,
We live each day and hour.
One door away from Heaven,
But it lies beyond our power
To open the door to Heaven
And enter when we choose.
One door away from Heaven,
And the key is ours to lose.
One Door away from Heaven,
But, oh, the entry dues.

~The Book of Counted Sorrows

I just finished reading Dean Koontz’s novel titled One Door Away From Heaven, an amazing & beautiful story!
It’s funny, no matter how a book ends, I always find myself reaching for the tissues. The written word, if written well, moves me to tears at the conclusion. I’m so filled with emotion the only way those feelings can find their way out of me is through tears.
I’m such a big baby, I cry over *everything*! I’m sad, I cry. I’m angry, I cry. I’m afraid, I cry. I’m happy, I cry.
It’s a wonder that I’m not all shriveled up like raisin from crying all the time.

Theme Song of The Day – The Tragically Hip

Theme Song of The Day – Our Lady Peace

It seems like just yesterday…..

….that I was preparing my “Year End Re-Cap” for 2013.

I start this every year around this time – put pen to paper in preparation of reminding myself of all the lessons learned over the last year. Always ending with high hopes for the coming year.
Welcoming the New Year in the never-wavering belief that it will be a better, happier year than the one I’m putting on the shelf.

This year, however, has smashed that belief, reducing it to a great pile of doubt. I struggle with the fact that the people I cared for didn’t care enough about me to stop me when I sacrificed my own comfort for theirs, in fact, turned their backs on me during my darkest hours.

This is a tough, dismal year for me to write about and I don’t look forward to reliving it through my written word. I must do it though. For myself, to help heal my hurts, to hopefully learn from my mistakes. As well as just to say “F*ck You 2014! You don’t win”

End of Time



Originally posted on Source of Inspiration:


How many ways
must I tell you
before you can finally hear?
What can I show you
to know I’m always near?

Every drop in the ocean
all the grains of sand
each star in the sky
say, “I love you,”
now do you understand?

You are loved beyond measure
until the end of time.
I am within you and without;
just look and you will find.
You are loved beyond measure
until the end of time.

View original

The Company Pier

I blinked back my tears in silence as I read and re-read his text reply.
I was stunned. I was also oh so hurt. The words stung. The reaction he gave to my question simply dumbfounded me.
The one evening I had spent with him initially, lead me to believe that he had it together, that despite his youth, he was mature and level-headed.
How wrong I was.
I knew deep down at the the outset that “fishing off the company pier” was a bad idea, but, the attraction was so magnetic, I couldn’t resist when he asked me if I wanted to join him for a few drinks.
I feel foolish for believing his authenticity, he was done with me, I’m sure of it now, the second he dropped me off at home.
For weeks afterwards, he gave me the “I’m so busy” song and dance and I bought it at first.
Then I came back to the real world.
If someone wants to be a part of your life, they’ll be a part of it. No stories, no excuses.
I think he became so cruel to me because once I clue in to something, I’ll call another on their bullshit. People seem to hate it when others recognize the truly shitty human being inside them.
I know I don’t want anybody else to see my inner jerk, hell, I don’t even like seeing her, but, I know she’s there, lurking beneath the parts of me that are easy for people to love, just waiting for the right moment to leap out and display the truly shitty human being I could be.
I really don’t like that part of myself, so I get it that other people would want to hide that part of themselves too.
I also understand that not everyone is comfortable admitting their misdeeds or owning up to the crappy things they think or do.
I’m not entirely at ease doing it, but, I like to think it helps to keep the monster in me at bay.

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so long as it's words

so long as it's words... words and worlds

Derby City Rambler

Real Life. Real Stories. Real Words.


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