It seems like just yesterday…..

….that I was preparing my “Year End Re-Cap” for 2013.

I start this every year around this time – put pen to paper in preparation of reminding myself of all the lessons learned over the last year. Always ending with high hopes for the coming year.
Welcoming the New Year in the never-wavering belief that it will be a better, happier year than the one I’m putting on the shelf.

This year, however, has smashed that belief, reducing it to a great pile of doubt. I struggle with the fact that the people I cared for didn’t care enough about me to stop me when I sacrificed my own comfort for theirs, in fact, turned their backs on me during my darkest hours.

This is a tough, dismal year for me to write about and I don’t look forward to reliving it through my written word. I must do it though. For myself, to help heal my hurts, to hopefully learn from my mistakes. As well as just to say “F*ck You 2014! You don’t win”

End of Time

arita77:

Beautiful….

Originally posted on Source of Inspiration:

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How many ways
must I tell you
before you can finally hear?
What can I show you
to know I’m always near?

Every drop in the ocean
all the grains of sand
each star in the sky
say, “I love you,”
now do you understand?

You are loved beyond measure
until the end of time.
I am within you and without;
just look and you will find.
You are loved beyond measure
until the end of time.

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The Company Pier

I blinked back my tears in silence as I read and re-read his text reply.
I was stunned. I was also oh so hurt. The words stung. The reaction he gave to my question simply dumbfounded me.
The one evening I had spent with him initially, lead me to believe that he had it together, that despite his youth, he was mature and level-headed.
How wrong I was.
I knew deep down at the the outset that “fishing off the company pier” was a bad idea, but, the attraction was so magnetic, I couldn’t resist when he asked me if I wanted to join him for a few drinks.
I feel foolish for believing his authenticity, he was done with me, I’m sure of it now, the second he dropped me off at home.
For weeks afterwards, he gave me the “I’m so busy” song and dance and I bought it at first.
Then I came back to the real world.
If someone wants to be a part of your life, they’ll be a part of it. No stories, no excuses.
I think he became so cruel to me because once I clue in to something, I’ll call another on their bullshit. People seem to hate it when others recognize the truly shitty human being inside them.
I know I don’t want anybody else to see my inner jerk, hell, I don’t even like seeing her, but, I know she’s there, lurking beneath the parts of me that are easy for people to love, just waiting for the right moment to leap out and display the truly shitty human being I could be.
I really don’t like that part of myself, so I get it that other people would want to hide that part of themselves too.
I also understand that not everyone is comfortable admitting their misdeeds or owning up to the crappy things they think or do.
I’m not entirely at ease doing it, but, I like to think it helps to keep the monster in me at bay.

Thinking about Teachers, The Gov’t & Court Orders

I’ve been thinking about what would happen to you or me if we disregarded a court order?

My guess is we would be held in contempt of court & punished accordingly,  I haven’t read all the law books, but,  I’m pretty sure jail would be a possibility.   

As a Government,  isn’t it their duty to lead by example?   As a citizen,  why should I or would I obey our courts if the elected Government won’t do so?  And why on earth are we tolerating this Gov’ts blatant disobedience of a ruling made in our courts of law years ago?

You betchyerass if a group of protesters disobeyed a court order, they’d be jailed.  So what makes Christy Clark and her gang of shysters any different or more special than you or me?

Smoking…..

You may recall a few months ago my post about the Smoking Kid ad where I state I had no intention of quitting, I actually *enjoyed* smoking.
That was true.
Until.
Early July I came down with a bad case of strep throat again. After a few visits to my Doctor & his warnings of being susceptible to heart attack due to strep infection, his admonishments lead me to purchase an electronic cigarette. Even without smoking, my risk of heart attack is pretty great.
That sucks.
That being said, I’ve read many reports about how e-smokes are worse for you than smoking and after my own personal research, I gotta say – NO.
After three weeks of using the e-smoke, it died. I took up smoking again. Within a day and a half, my lungs were so sore. I took my e-smoke apart & fiddled with it a bunch of times & it mysteriously started working again. I bought another one by this time, so now, I have one charged at any given time.
My lungs don’t hurt any more.
‘Nuff said.

Theme Song of The Day – 2Cellos

I hope you find that person.

To someone who recently was the reason I spent the day in tears. Just know, I forgive you, even though you aren’t sorry.
I still care what happens to you, although, I can’t allow you the chance to hurt me once again.
I’m glad I met you, I wish things had worked out differently and we could still be friends, cos I think we would have been great friends.
I hope you find that person..

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