*Whew* Busy days

Mom’s home is wrecked. 😦 Very sad for her indeed. It was weird helping her pack her stuff. She told me about a dream she had….Three times last week about Dad.
Had I known then about her dream, I would have started packing up her stuff then. I truly believe he was warning her about what was to come. He’s warned me once in the past. I dreamt of him just when I started going out with Bryce…he came to me in my dream wearing a policeman’s uniform, looking at me sadly and shaking his head. Dad, I sure wish I had understood your warning at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 though, isn’t it?

Haven’t done my tarot for a few days….kinda scared to.
Got an email from somebody’s ex warning me to stay away from him. I’m sure she thinks her fears are not unfounded, just as my fears of Bryce are not unfounded. But, I also think that it should be taken with a grain of salt. I do believe that Bryce wasn’t the way he was before me. I think that some people just should not be together. I think that sometimes people just rub each other the wrong way and don’t know how to pull away from it when it gets critical. I truly believe that some people are just crazy attracted to each other, but the personality clash is just so great that despite the strong attraction, it just won’t ever work out. It can only end in bitterness and anger. Which is really sad.

I did love Bryce. I would have done anything and everything for him. We just could not stay on the same page, heck, we weren’t even reading the same damned book.

Or maybe I’m just wrong. Maybe he is just a really bad person who cheats, lies and steals. I like to think I’m not. I want to believe that there was SOMETHING good about him that I fell in love with. I want to believe that my judgement skills are not so poor that I was so easily duped by such an obvious con man. If that’s the case, that I can be so easily fooled, it sure makes me nervous about any other man I might get involved with.

I was thinking about a conversation the other night at my Um-friend’s* place, he and his buddy were talking about things they hate that women say. "We need to talk" was at the top of this list. I can see why that would bother them. It usually means that something about the relationship is bothering her….and she doesn’t really want him to talk. But, he thinks input from him is required….well, here’s a tip…when a woman says "We need to talk", she’s actually saying "**I** need to vent, **YOU** need to listen and hug me when I’m done"
I like to think that I haven’t ever used that statement "We need to talk". Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I have inadvertently said that in a previous relationship. If I ever did, here’s my blanket apology to all my victims: I’m sorry, I wish I had said exactly what was on my mind in a way that you could understand it.

I dunno, I just have weird things go through my head about the dynamics of relationships and perhaps I over analyze, but, I just want to UNDERSTAND. Like, REALLY understand how two people could be so crazy in love with each other, but, just cannot for the lives of them, get along.

And I wonder just how honest people are with each other. I just assume that people are being honest with me, because, for the most part, I am honest with them. I WILL say what’s on my mind and if something bothers me, and I just expect that other people would do the same. I WILL say how I feel about someone, whether it is good or bad, and I just assume that they do too. I know it’s naive of me, but I can’t help it.
I really believe that a fundamentally honest person will do the same for me.

I just wish I could say the things in my brain in such a way that other people could comprehend and understand that even though what I say sounds either rude or stupid & insulting, I really don’t mean it that way. I wish people would not take offense so easily at others’ thoughts and feelings (providing those thoughts and feelings are not hateful)
bleh. people befuddle me and I can’t stop watching them and analyzing them and wanting to know more.
I’m going to bed as soon as I do my footnote, so goodnight!

*Um-friend: A friend of the opposite sex of whom you are not sure what context to put them in. ie: someone you are involved with sexually and somewhat emotionally and don’t know how to introduce them to others so you say: "This is my umm – friend, {insert name here}"

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