feelings of gloom, doom and sorrow

Perhaps my feelings are just a result of the recent events in my life…I feel as if something horrible is about to happen. It doesn’t help that my Mom is having some serious health problems with her kidneys right now…I took her to the hospital early this morning to get her bloodwork done….*says prayer for Mom*
I’m not embracing my single-ness this time like I did back in November. I’m just sad. Incredibly sad.
Sad that he puts a monetary value on love, that the things I did for him didn’t count because it wasn’t money that I gave him. Sad that drugs are more important to him than I am. Sad that he only called me yesterday for what I could do for him or get for him and not just because he wanted to see me and make amends. It seems amends were the furthest from his mind & it didn’t matter if I were there or not so long as he got what he wanted. Sad that I feel as if I have to yell in order for him to hear me.

I had an awful thought this morning that out of all my brothers & sisters & the terrible things we all do to ourselves, I would be the first one to go. I don’t know why I thought that.
Gloom, doom, sorrow. Some days I don’t think this world is all that beautiful.


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