My “Relationship Needs Assessment” Results

I would say it sounds fairly accurate to me:

Interdependence

Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a “couple
identity” with your partner. You are moderately interdependent in a
relationship. This means that you desire a good degree of physical and
emotional connection with a partner. And you absolutely are drawn to
someone whom you can respect and even emulate to some degree. In fact,
it is quite common for a person in this score range to consider how
your romantic partner would reflect on your family and friends. This
all does not mean that you do not need personal space now and then;
nearly everyone values being unique and different from others in some
respects. However, people in this range draw strength, comfort and a
strong sense of identity from their close relationships. Thus, when you
feel close to someone this person becomes an extremely important part
of who you are on the inside and outside. You probably prefer that you
and your partner’s recreational activities be shared together since you
like having your partner physically close and you desire showing off
your “couplehood” in public
. Bottom
line: you need someone who likes frequent physical and emotional
connection like you do, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the
relationship so that you two do not lose your identities as individuals.

Intimacy

Intimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your
partner. You are clearly comfortable with giving and receiving
emotional intimacy. You long for emotional closeness and security with
a special person, and you tend to be open with a partner in return.
That openness includes lessons learned from your past experiences and
relationships, extending trust, believing your partner returns your
feelings and devotion and being generally comfortable with surrendering
yourself to a partner. In fact, you probably would feel uncomfortable
if there were serious secrets between you and your partner. Likewise,
you probably regard a partner as your best friend and your foremost
confidant. There is likely no hesitation discussing current problems or
concerns with that person. It also seems that you have realistic
expectations for a committed relationship. However, you may find
yourself wondering whether your partner’s feelings are equally as
strong as yours. Still, people in this scoring range are willing to
take the risks associated with being vulnerable on many levels. Bottom line: you need someone who desires and reciprocates intimacy as much as you do.

Self-efficacy

Self-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of
motivation. You have good levels of self-esteem, sense of self and a
sense of accomplishment. It seems you are acutely aware – but accepting
– of your strengths and weaknesses. Likewise, you likely feel that
people who are important in your life understand you. But people in
your scoring range tend to be comfortable not giving in to peer, family
and other social pressures. Family is indeed important to you, but
their expectations do not strongly influence your life. Instead, people
who score like you tend to have their own well-defined ambitions and
goals – and may even set specific benchmarks to monitor the progress
made toward achievements. You probably have a strong sense of control
over your life and are decisive in managing it. You are also probably
very influential and persuasive with others. In fact, your family,
friends and acquaintances may often come to you for ideas of guidance
across a range of issues. Bottom
line: you need a partner who has a good degree of energy, enthusiasm
and self-efficacy like you, as opposed to a partner who needs constant
nurturance and reassurance to feel empowered and valued as person.

Relationship readiness

Relationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally,
psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship. You
seem to have a good foundation and appear pretty much ready and willing
to find a committed relationship. In fact, most people in this scoring
range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They
have the ability to connect with others, they have well defined ideas
about where their life is headed and they are assertive and resourceful
in meeting their goals. Therefore, you likely feel in control and are
able to take charge and go after what you want in life and in a
relationship. Your housekeeping is also probably in check – meaning
that you do not have any negative baggage that can weigh down a
relationship, like financial or legal problems or emotional, health or
family issues. As such, you do not seem to be seeking a relationship
primarily to fill a void in your life or to gain a feeling of
acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost due to other
relationships that ended or disappointed you. Rather, it seems to be
that you are striving for a balance in your life and that now includes
wanting to offer everything you can to a partner. Bottom line: you need someone who wants a relationship, rather than needs one to feel personally fulfilled.

Communication

Communication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and
level of emotional intelligence. Effective communicators have strong
emotional intelligence, and you seem to have an excellent level of
emotional intelligence. It is expected that you show considerable
tolerance of ambiguity and emotional expression. You have the capacity
for being extremely sensitive to other’s feelings and to their body
language. Those who know you well would probably describe you as
patient and eager to listen to others. People in this scoring range are
also not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. They consistently
and bravely show vulnerability to others. In fact, they are keenly
aware how their behavior impacts others. You can communicate your needs
and feelings honestly when someone engages you directly, but you may
not always take the initiative to be assertive with others. In this
sense, it is likely that you seek to understand others, rather than
seek for others to understand you. Bottom
line: you need someone who will not put up emotional barriers when you
seek to understand his/her thoughts and feelings, but rather will
communicate with you intimately and candidly.

Conflict resolution

Conflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem
solving skills. Effective conflict resolution has nine general
elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the Proper
Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the
Power of a Positive Partnership; Focus on the Future, then learn from
the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop ‘Doables’ or
stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements.
Your score indicates that you are fairly strong on all of these basic
elements, except for Making Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. This
suggests that you are very flexible and action-oriented when addressing
problems, yet not so eager to find resolution that you settle for
quick, temporary agreements. Settling on a temporary agreement is often
a way of avoiding conflict, and it can lead to needs not being met. You
do not seem to avoid conflict; instead you appear to evaluate the
possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a
positive outcome for the relationship. Bottom
line: you need someone who will join you in taking time to find a
complete and genuine resolution to issues as opposed to avoiding
conflict by settling for quick, temporary agreements.

Sexuality

Sexuality refers to your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions)
related to physical intimacy. Scientific models of love and attachment
always include physical chemistry and sexuality. It is a crucial topic
for any couple to address, because it involves issues of control and
vulnerability. People at your scoring level have a firm sense of their
sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. You
like sex that is romantic, adventurous and fun, but for you sex is not
a casual event. Sex has great importance in your relationship, and it
is reserved for someone you love. You may think your sexual preferences
would be viewed as conservative by others, but you are no prude. You
are confident in your own sexual ability and are open to try various
activities. In fact, you probably like to experiment actively. A
defining characteristic of people in this scoring range is their
willingness to be vulnerable and relinquish control in the bedroom to
their partners. In other words, you are not sexually selfish – you like
to focus on pleasing your partner and submitting to his/her desires. Bottom
line: you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between
people in love and who appreciates being the center of attention in the
bedroom.

Attitudes toward love

Attitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love
and friendship love. There are two main types of love – Romantic Love
and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate, emotional and
intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment.
People feel these two types of loves to different degrees in a
relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You
scored as someone who may be best described as “a “hopeless romantic
with a touch of realist.” This means that you do value the safety,
security and comfort of Companionate Love, but for you a relationship
must have a strong dose of Romantic Love. In this sense, you desire
someone who is on the same wavelength as you –sharing similar
attitudes, moods and impulses. It is common for people in this range to
view their partner as a soul mate – a person who you were destined to
meet and fall in love with. This attitude of “love conquers all” is
optimistic and sweet, but it is not productive to remain in a “love
daze” and idealize your partner constantly. Seeing a partner and
relationship while only wearing rose-colored glasses can prevent you
from identifying and addressing problem areas in the relationship. Bottom
line: you need someone who satisfies the hopeless romantic in you but
who will insist that you take time to get to know each other well
before the taking the relationship to next levels.

Preferred Expressions of Affection

Preferred Expressions of Affection refers to your likes and dislikes
for different ways a partner can express love and devotion. There are
many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical
touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or
communicating love through words. Statistically, you gave higher
weighted ratings to Gifts. Bottom
line: You need someone who can express affection through tangible
surprises – such as fun gifts s/he makes, souvenirs purchased on
business trips or beautiful tokens or presents that show s/he remembers
and celebrates special occasions.

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