Another “Tina” great one

AN
ACTUAL CRAIG’S LIST PERSONALS
AD

To
the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown 
Savannah  night before last.

Date:
2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. 
 E.S.T.

I
was the guy wearing the black Burberry
jacket that you demanded that I hand over,
shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my
girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also
asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I
can only hope that you somehow come across this
rather important message
.

 First, I’d like to
apologize for your embarrassment; I didn’t
expect you to actually crap in your pants when I
drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The
even ing was not that cold, and I was wearing
the jacket for a reason.. My girlfriend had just
bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP
pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a
shoulder holster for it that very evening.
Obviously you agree that it is a very
intimidating weapon when pointed at your head
… isn’t it?!

 I know it probably wasn’t
fun walking back to wherever you’d come from
with that brown sludge in your pants. I’m sure
it was even worse walking bare-footed since I
made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and
wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling
or running to your buddies to come help mug us
again].

 After I called your mother
or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I
explained the entire episode of what you’d done.
Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as
those of four other people in the gas station,
— on your credit card. The guy with the big
motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely
grateful!

 I gave your shoes to a
homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along
with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his
day!]

 I then threw your wallet
into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked
at the curb … after I broke the windshield and
side window and keyed the entire driver’s side
of the car.

 Later, I called a bunch of
phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell
just now shut down the line, although I only
used the phone for a little over a day now, so
what ‘s going on with that? Earlier, I managed
to get in two threatening phone
calls to the DA’s office and one to
the FBI, while mentioning President Obama
as my possible target
.

 The FBI guy seemed really
intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess
while he traced your number
etc.).

 
;In a way, perhaps
I should apologize for not killing you … but I
feel this type of retribution is a far more
appropriate punishment for your threatened
crime. I wish you well as you try to sort
through some of these rather immediate pressing
issues, and can only hope that you have the
opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps
reconsider, the career path you’ve chosen to
pursue in life. Remember, next time you might
not be so lucky
.Have
a good day!

Thoughtfully
yours
,

Alex

Advertisements

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Les
    Dec 14, 2009 @ 09:09:08

    That is way cool, made the guy shit himself plus a few other things. Am pretty sure if this Alex really did all that, someone is in for some big trouble. Serve the would be robber right too, the cash in his wallet was likely stolen too…

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

ultimatemindsettoday

A great WordPress.com site

TIME

Current & Breaking News | National & World Updates

%d bloggers like this: