Texts from Last Night

Found one of the funniest sites I’ve come across in a long long time – Texts From Last Night, an ongoing compilation of weird & funny texts sent in by people from all over.  Here’s a few of my favourites:

(315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept f*cking me. i think im in love tfln

(812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber…I’m buying the engagement ring tomorrow tfln

(203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she said I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I’m sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. tfln

(915): I told you I was good to drive
(1-915): dumbass I drove… you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate tfln

(857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you’re making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. tfln

(508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
(1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. tfln

(405): Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn’t serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren’t heavy enough for the sensors.  We made noises and everything. tfln

(970): I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i’m your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises. tfln

(732): he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.  tfln

(510): I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter…wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.  tfln

btw, the # in brackets is the area code of where these tezts came from.

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