Year End Re-cap Part 3

So, I’m kind of all over the board here, jumping from time to time. I’m trying to keep things in order, but, my year was so jumbled and smattered with different people, who, for different reasons were important to me.
The time in between being dumped and re-uniting with The Jester, I moved. I moved in to a place with a very good friend, my best friend, Di. It’s been an education for sure! I think a lot of the most important lessons I’ve learned were from sharing a home with her.

I’ve re-learned how to forgive, am still learning that, actually. I find in certain circumstances, I really have to dig deep within myself to find forgiveness for some things.
Patience…patience I’ve learned, isn’t just virtuous, at times, it’s downright saintly (sorry Di, heh, we’ve all had to wait for you at some time or another & you’re the only one who isn’t my own blood that I’ll wait for like that)
Other lessons I’ve learned while living here, these lessons come not from Lady Di, but, I’ve learned them the hard way – on my own.

I’ve learned that my glasses have indeed been extremely tinted shades of rose. People take advantage when you extend a helping hand, I didn’t want to admit it or see the harsh reality of it all. But, when my money and belongings are stolen from me and the culprit is exposed to be somebody I went out of my way to help, even I can’t help but notice the bits of mud on my glasses for what they really are.

Normally, if somebody is a really bad person, I can feel it right away. I mean, if they mean harm, my intuition screams at me to get away from them. (ex. back in January an aquaintance tried to introduce me to a guy who just moved here – I had a horrible feeling about this guy & told my friend I had to go, so, sorry, can’t hang out & later that day told my aquaintance not to bring buddy around again – a week later the guy was charged with rape) But, when presented with a lesser evil, I don’t usually see it.
This year, I learned, sadly, to be jaded and cynical. I think I’m nearly losing my faith in people.
The world is not as black and white as I had believed.

I re-learned who my friends REALLY are. They all know who they are. They all know they are loved. I hope they know they are the only reasons I haven’t completely lost faith in people.
It’s been a struggle, that’s for sure, I’ve shed so many tears, I could turn a desert into a sea. And I think to myself “why let anybody in?”, why give anybody the opportunity to break my heart ever again?
The only answer I have is this:
If I don’t let anybody in, how will I give anybody the opportunity to love me? How will I ever know happiness again if I don’t let anybody in?
Surely we could not recognize joy if we do not experience sorrow.

~end of part 3


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Dianne Citterelle
    Dec 03, 2011 @ 19:24:51

    Betty I appreciate your honesty and you are for sure one of the best roomies and friends I will ever have .. I have learned alot over the past year being room-mates with you . You are a true dear friend to me, and at the end of the day I know you will always be there for me … NUB YA!!!


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