Fractured ego…..

These past few months have been hell for my self-esteem, let me tell you.

My mind reeled for 2 months after The Jester left me, it really made me question myself.  I know I’m not unattractive, I’m not a huge bitch….and yet, what he betrayed me for was something you’d find on hastings & main.  Not attractive, not a nice person.

I didn’t start dating again really until I could speak of him without the waterworks turning on….These last few dates leave me believing that maybe I’m damaged goods?

I haven’t heard a peep out of Old School Friend, which is very disappointing to me – I put myself way beyond my comfort zone, I wasn’t looking for a marriage proposal or anything like that, but, it would have been nice to see him again.

There were a couple of guys I went for coffee/lunch with, I thought those dates went well, the convo was good….but, I dunno, had a few little text chats with one of them that lead to nowhere…..

Maybe there’s some part of me that can’t or won’t connect with another again?  Maybe I’m just meant to be alone.

I know I have high standards, but, I don’t think I expect too much from people.  I’m not going to lower my standards in the name of finding somebody I can spend the occasional evening with on a regular basis.

Really, I’m not even sure what I’m looking for at the moment, that’s probably a huge part of it right there.  But, just because I’m unsure of what I’m looking for, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want friends.  What ever happened to just honest-to-goodness friendship?

Sometimes I’m not sure if I’m walking down the right path for me, it would sure be nice to find a helping hand to guide me once in awhile or at least to help keep from faltering.


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