I’ve always admitted to being kind of a coward. But I’ve come to realize that I’m not. I am courageous. Courageous in a lot of ways, because, even though I know the end result will invariably be me mopping up my tears, mending a broken heart, I still choose to love another human being. Regardless of whether a person is male or female, when I befriend somebody new, I may move a little slow, but, I don’t hold back. I give my relationships – both platonic and intimate – all the love I can.
I mean, of course I don’t go around being bff’s with the neighbourhood’s “Uncle BadTouches” or people who are abusive in other ways. Aside from the obvious common sense, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, I’m pretty much an open book & willingly allow myself to get close to or fall in love with another person.
My heart’s been broken so many countless times – shattered into a million little pieces & carefully picked up and glued back together. Maybe a chip missing here, and a nick in it there, but, I put it back together & still let a friend, or a boyfriend hold it, knowing full well that they’ll probably drop it the second I’m comfortable letting them have it.
Maybe you might call me stupid for letting this happen, for not keeping others at arm’s length to protect my fragile, battered heart and I’m okay with that. I’ve always thought that bravery, courage and stupidity were all three synonymous with each other. Because you know the consequences, and do it anyway.
No, after much thought, I am not a coward. I think if I held my feelings close & didn’t let anyone in for fear of being hurt, then, I’d be a coward. I feel sad for people who do that – who won’t let anybody in to love them. It’s not caution, it’s cowardice. It’s lonely.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. andy1076
    Nov 18, 2013 @ 19:54:53

    You are most certainly not a coward nor should you ever even think of that word, to share your thoughts here takes courage and I respect the honesty within.


  2. marriagecoach1
    Nov 23, 2013 @ 12:19:18

    Yes me too. Sadly there are givers and takers in the world. Invariably givers end up with takers because givers give and takers take. I say lets stop this madness and only connect with other givers. Can you imagine the relationship magic if two givers got together? The secret to “happily ever after is ridiculously simple. It consists of eliminating the word NO from your vocabulary unless the request is illegal, immoral or abusive. The word NO is such an ugly word, the implication of which is that my wants desires and feelings are more important than yours and I can’t be bothered with yours. Most women grew up with the fantasy of ‘HAPPILY EVER AFTER” but never gave a thought as to what that looked like for the man.

    Romance should not be a one way street. Men need romance as well in the way that they need it not the way that you need it. Sadly Kinsey stats indicate that 72% of all married women over thirty with kids at home have their husbands on a STARVATION DIET OF SEX ONCE A WEEK OR LESS. Most guys need it 3-4 times week. Now I am not suggesting that a woman be forced to give sex against her will but most women have no trouble forcing their husbands to do WITHOUT SEX AGAINST HIS WILL. Think about it. Just saying.


  3. arita77
    Dec 17, 2013 @ 19:05:12

    I’m not entirely sure how my blog entry relates to sex, I mean, yeah, I can sort of see a connection….but, my entry is about love in general, both platonic and intimate love. Also, I’m talking about how some people don’t allow others to really know them as a person, on an emotional level, not really a physical level.

    At any rate, I have to say that your comment is rather inflammatory and kind of blaming. As a marriage coach, I would think you would not place blame on an individual within a couple in such a vast & sweeping manner?


  4. arita77
    May 16, 2014 @ 05:41:33

    Reblogged this on ARITA'S ABODE and commented:

    Reading my archives & came across this entry…..
    Sadly, I don’t believe that courageous Me is quite so stupid anymore. Nearly every person I meet, every person who tries to befriend me, I can’t help but wonder to myself: “What do they want from me?”
    I don’t want to think like that, but, these last couple of years have just worn down my faith in people, my trust and my optimism. My glass is no longer half full, I just want to know who the hell took half my drink and why can’t they get their own goddamned drink? My life has been full of takers for far too long and I’m running on empty – not much left to give & what I do have, I guard carefully against the superficial & insincere people who only look to further their own cause. It’s a kick in the teeth that I now fear getting close to anyone & miss out on friendships that may possibly be the real deal.
    I was right, it isn’t cautious. It’s lonely.


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