50 Days…..

It’s been 50 days since Rocky Primavera borrowed a large sum of cash from me & promptly showed me his back……

Not that I’m counting or anything.  I’m having difficulty letting this one slide.  It doesn’t help that, yeah, despite how much of a douchebag he’s been to me & despite the fact that he’s called me every nasty name in the book, I do still care about him.

It’s a horrible mix of emotions, feeling one second that I miss him so much all I can do is cry and then the next I have to fight with myself to not go to his house with an axe and then the next moment I’m just bewildered and lost and wondering how he could do that to another human being, how could he be so cruel?  And then I miss him again or I’m fantasizing of burning his house to the ground and this is so not me and I hate feeling this way.  It makes me sad that one day he’ll realize that I knew a lot of the shitty things about him that he thought he hid so well from me and I still loved him anyway. 

People say to me “it’s his loss”, you know, the standard thing you say when somebody is dumped…..and it is.  But, it’s my loss too.  He was wonderful to me until I put a stack of my cash in his hands.  I never once saw that side of him, nor did I expect to, didn’t know it existed.   For months, he gave me an  Academy Award Winning performance for sure.

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