Imprints

I’ve been thinking about this a lot over the past couple of days, the imprints that we leave on each other’s lives.

I wonder what kind of stamp I leave on the lives of my friends, family, acquaintances, the strangers I encounter.  I wonder how lasting that imprint is?

Then I think of the stamps left in my own life by those I see each day and those who have gone their separate ways.  The influence of  The Jester, gone on his own journey through life for over a year now, is still very visible upon me, I’m sure.  The evil ex’s stamp, although I have had no contact with him for at least five years, lingers over me like the remnants of a stormy cloud.  Each major relationship I have had is there, influencing my behaviours, each decision I make, what I find funny, how I deal with situations, what I deem as moral and right or wrong –  I can see them all in me.

I think of the people who I call “pretend friends” and I wonder to myself, can their stamp be erased?  How do I shed myself of their impressions left upon me?  I wish I could let that resentment towards them go, because of their deceptions and superficiality, I now find it difficult to trust others and to let myself be open and receptive to genuine friendships.  I find that I no longer have that courage I once so recently had to allow myself to love another regardless of what the future might hold.  I find myself doubting the motives of even my closest friends and especially of potential new friends.

And that is a very sad story indeed.

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