Reading my archives & came across this entry…..
Sadly, I don’t believe that courageous Me is quite so stupid anymore. Nearly every person I meet, every person who tries to befriend me, I can’t help but wonder to myself: “What do they want from me?”
I don’t want to think like that, but, these last couple of years have just worn down my faith in people, my trust and my optimism. My glass is no longer half full, I just want to know who the hell took half my drink and why can’t they get their own goddamned drink? My life has been full of takers for far too long and I’m running on empty – not much left to give & what I do have, I guard carefully against the superficial & insincere people who only look to further their own cause. It’s a kick in the teeth that I now fear getting close to anyone & miss out on friendships that may possibly be the real deal.
I was right, it isn’t cautious. It’s lonely.


I’ve always admitted to being kind of a coward. But I’ve come to realize that I’m not. I am courageous. Courageous in a lot of ways, because, even though I know the end result will invariably be me mopping up my tears, mending a broken heart, I still choose to love another human being. Regardless of whether a person is male or female, when I befriend somebody new, I may move a little slow, but, I don’t hold back. I give my relationships – both platonic and intimate – all the love I can.
I mean, of course I don’t go around being bff’s with the neighbourhood’s “Uncle BadTouches” or people who are abusive in other ways. Aside from the obvious common sense, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, I’m pretty much an open book & willingly allow myself to get close to or fall in love…

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