The Company Pier

I blinked back my tears in silence as I read and re-read his text reply.
I was stunned. I was also oh so hurt. The words stung. The reaction he gave to my question simply dumbfounded me.
The one evening I had spent with him initially, lead me to believe that he had it together, that despite his youth, he was mature and level-headed.
How wrong I was.
I knew deep down at the the outset that “fishing off the company pier” was a bad idea, but, the attraction was so magnetic, I couldn’t resist when he asked me if I wanted to join him for a few drinks.
I feel foolish for believing his authenticity, he was done with me, I’m sure of it now, the second he dropped me off at home.
For weeks afterwards, he gave me the “I’m so busy” song and dance and I bought it at first.
Then I came back to the real world.
If someone wants to be a part of your life, they’ll be a part of it. No stories, no excuses.
I think he became so cruel to me because once I clue in to something, I’ll call another on their bullshit. People seem to hate it when others recognize the truly shitty human being inside them.
I know I don’t want anybody else to see my inner jerk, hell, I don’t even like seeing her, but, I know she’s there, lurking beneath the parts of me that are easy for people to love, just waiting for the right moment to leap out and display the truly shitty human being I could be.
I really don’t like that part of myself, so I get it that other people would want to hide that part of themselves too.
I also understand that not everyone is comfortable admitting their misdeeds or owning up to the crappy things they think or do.
I’m not entirely at ease doing it, but, I like to think it helps to keep the monster in me at bay.


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