Dear 2014, You can Eff right off already! Part 3

JULY – SEPTEMBER

~Strep throat!  ~ Forced to quit smoking ~ Most epic camping trip in Ukee with my kids! ~ It’s been just over a year since my son went to live with his Grandparents & I’ve felt as though I’ve had little or no purpose to my life because of it. ~ This camping trip was exactly what I needed, thankful that my daughter planned this get-away ~ Many more lazy days at the lake ~ Crazy busy at work ~ Work friend avoiding me? Or maybe feels awkward? ~ Harmful gossip in the work place, nothing I can do to combat it.  I know anything I say in protest will just make things worse ~ Lonely nights & lonely days off, with Ashley gone to Gold River, I don’t really have anybody & dearly just want a friend who just likes me for me & not for what they want from me ~ Broken tooth super costly ~ Horrible sliver (by sliver I mean HUGE piece of lumber) in my eff you finger ~ Trolled by a youtube video ~ I make me laugh so much – I bandaided a raisin over my sliver for 24 hours in hopes of it drawing the sliver out – nope. ~ Get to spend more time with my Son at the lake, he’s nearly a man now ~ Seems like just yesterday he was a smiling, giggling little boy.  Life has not been kind to him, he’s lost so much in his young life and is now a sombre, young man. ~ I pray for him to find his happy once again. ~So sad my work friend is no longer my friend, his harsh words in response to my worries that he may be angry with me, at first, shocks me into tears, but after much thought, outrage and offend me.  Regardless of what he thinks I’ve said about him or how he perceives my questions put to him, I do NOT deserve the venom and hatred he’s spewed forth to me. ~ I’ve always been respectful and kind towards him, his unnecessary spite was over the top and causes me to be somewhat ashamed of him. ~ With a great deal of sadness, I promise myself to exclude him from life at every level, both personal and professional unless a sincere apology is given. ~ Even though he wasn’t ever really there for me, I know I’ll miss him, for weeks every sidelong glance I sneak of him brings a tear to my eyes, but, I steel my resolve to continue the silence, I deserve more respect than what he’s given me from day one.  I deserve an apology ~

THINGS I’VE LEARNED:

  • If someone wants to have you in their life, they will. No stories, no excuses.
  • All that glitters isn’t gold (I already knew this, but, apparently had to relearn this one)
  • At the end of the day, all that you have is yourself.
  • Raisin’s will NOT draw a sliver out.
  • The answer is always laughter.  ALWAYS.  Shed your tears, then laughing like hell makes things easier to deal with.

Moving into Ashley’s Parent’s basement suite ~ Oh so very much enjoying the privacy and the hot tub! I FREAKIN LOVE THE HOT TUB!! ~ Feeling very content & at peace, although I have my work cut out for me – Ashley’s things need to be packed so I can begin to make this my home ~ A spider incident results in me sleeping on the couch for the first two weeks of my tenancy ~  Good times entertaining guests in *My OWN home* finally, it’s been a long haul since I lost my apartment that David & I lived in last year ~ My Son and his friend are assaulted ~ Son moves into town to a good friend’s house ~ Thankful that he is in a safe, stable home now. ~ Despite the tension at work, my weekend shifts begin to become my refuge, we have a great weekend staff & the girl I work with every saturday and sunday is amazing, as is the bakery staff ~ Unexpected guests turn into unexpected roommates ~ Chaos gradually seeps its way back into my life & I’m stuck between a rock & a hard place ~ My home is no longer my home before it ever really had a chance to be MY home ~ My contentment slowly turns to resentment ~ Feeling trapped in an extremely abusive relationship that isn’t even mine ~ Resentment turning to anger as I realize that I’m paying rent for a room that I can’t even put my things in.  ~ Yet, I don’t know how to broach the topic, I know my room & board is hella cheap, but, the price I’m paying with emotional stress is far too much.

I wonder if I’ll ever find my place to belong?

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