Lies I tell myself…..

  • I’m not afraid of being alone.

I’m fairly independent & I cherish my quiet time – the time I spend with myself to recharge my batteries.  I can amuse myself endlessly.  Really though, at the end of the day, I find myself wishing more often than not, that there was somebody there beside me who I could snuggle up to – secure in the knowledge that this person actually cares about me the person.

  • I have commitment issues

Ok.  This isn’t really a lie.  I’ve always maintained that committed is what they do to crazy people.  My issue with this is confusing to me.  I want that steady, reliable person to be with, to share good times with, to share myself with.  That one who will accept me as I am with all my weird little quirks, not try to change me to fit their idea of the perfect partner.  That guy who will sit up with me all night during a power outage and play cards by candle light with me because he knows I’m scared of the dark instead of trying to “fix me” or make me “face my fear”.  but, also won’t call me 50 million times to ask me why I’m not home yet when I’m out doing something I like without him.  Somebody who gives me my space yet, lets me know he’s thinking of me and doesn’t get freaked out when I do the same for him.  Sometimes I think I’m very unrealistic about this.  I also know that most guys who make themselves available to me scare the shit out of me.  I don’t know why.

  • I’m headed in the right direction.

Honestly, I haven’t a f*cking clue where I’m headed and I’m not even sure where I want to go.  I’ve basically been living by the old “fake it ’til you make it” way of life.  Some days I want to just give all my belongings away except a basic wardrobe and toiletries and run away from home.  Other days, I want to dig my heels in and stay in my hometown forever – all snug and safe.

  • One day I’ll figure it out.

HAH. The next day, I’ll die.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. belinda
    Jun 07, 2015 @ 00:39:15

    I hear u totally on this one.when i see you i think strong independant very pretty lady who has no problem standing on her own and standing up for herself. Kinda like a queen whos also a warrior at war.ready to battle any mofos tryin ta scoff ur turf(lol that sounds funny) yet absolutly compassionate and willing to help those who are in ur hearts perimeter. Its pretty inspiring. Makes me think wow…i wish i could be like her! Maybe…just maybe if she can pull it off so easily i can too! So.. i just thought i would tell u that ive always looked up to u. Ur badass awesome! Love ya nubbers!

    Reply

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