Theme Song of the Day – Beck

Lies I tell myself…..

  • I’m not afraid of being alone.

I’m fairly independent & I cherish my quiet time – the time I spend with myself to recharge my batteries.  I can amuse myself endlessly.  Really though, at the end of the day, I find myself wishing more often than not, that there was somebody there beside me who I could snuggle up to – secure in the knowledge that this person actually cares about me the person.

  • I have commitment issues

Ok.  This isn’t really a lie.  I’ve always maintained that committed is what they do to crazy people.  My issue with this is confusing to me.  I want that steady, reliable person to be with, to share good times with, to share myself with.  That one who will accept me as I am with all my weird little quirks, not try to change me to fit their idea of the perfect partner.  That guy who will sit up with me all night during a power outage and play cards by candle light with me because he knows I’m scared of the dark instead of trying to “fix me” or make me “face my fear”.  but, also won’t call me 50 million times to ask me why I’m not home yet when I’m out doing something I like without him.  Somebody who gives me my space yet, lets me know he’s thinking of me and doesn’t get freaked out when I do the same for him.  Sometimes I think I’m very unrealistic about this.  I also know that most guys who make themselves available to me scare the shit out of me.  I don’t know why.

  • I’m headed in the right direction.

Honestly, I haven’t a f*cking clue where I’m headed and I’m not even sure where I want to go.  I’ve basically been living by the old “fake it ’til you make it” way of life.  Some days I want to just give all my belongings away except a basic wardrobe and toiletries and run away from home.  Other days, I want to dig my heels in and stay in my hometown forever – all snug and safe.

  • One day I’ll figure it out.

HAH. The next day, I’ll die.

Theme Song of The Day – Blink182

19 Of The Best Quotes That Perfectly Explain What Depression Feels Like


Nailed it.

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

Ryan McGilchristRyan McGilchrist

1. “I didn’t want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that’s really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you’re so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.” – Ned Vizzini, It’s Kind Of A Funny Story

2. “The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be…

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Nothing to say…..

It’s really odd, I have so much that has been going on in my life & so many thoughts running through my head. But. Every time I try to write anything, I find myself wondering what is the point?
Will it result in me doing anything differently? Doubtful. Will it lend me any kind of clarity or direction? Again, doubtful.
My brain is stuck in semi – stupid and I feel as though I’m doing the dog paddle backwards.
I need a holiday. I wish I could afford it.

Documentary: The Battle of Fukushima

Originally posted on THE INTERNET POST:

Please support Ebisu Studios in spreading the truth of what is happening in Fukushima. Donate or purchase your own copy of “On Fukushima Beach 4″ for $A25 Send to PayPal address ‘’.
Please subscribe to this channel as well :)
All my documentaries are posted on YouTube for free to anyone to see and remixable versions are posted also. If you cannot purchase or donate, please share and remix and burn your own copies to spread the truth. Thanks so much for your patience with this documentary.
Video and audio elements are collated in this movie under fair use. Remixable to come out soon. This a revised version of “Pandora’s Poison” released on January 1st, 2014

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Theme Song of the Day – Karmin

I just love Karmin!

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